Re: [IEEE_P1619] [P1619.1] D20 Available
I have one little "real comment" and many editorial comments.
The "real comment" is that I think that the sentence in B.7.4 "In fact,
as long as ... example from C.6.2" (page 28, lines 28-29) is wrong and
should be removed.
Editorial:
* Page 2, lines 29: the term "recommended" is never used in the document
in the manner that is defined in this line. This definition should be
removed. (Maybe also the definition of "required" on line 31).
* Page 6, lines 37: What does "process status from the CU" means? Maybe
write "receives status notifications from the CU" instead?
* Page 7, line 4: "This standard *specifies* requirements only..."
* Page 7, line 6: "to the end-user *about* the CU..."
* Page 7, line 12: "interactions among *the five components from above*
..."
* Page 8, line 7: "The controller is any *entity* that controls..."
(you're not serious about the controller being a person, right?)
* Page 8, line 33: "...be *an operating* system..."
* Page 8, lines 39-40: I don't understand the last sentence ("For
example ... key store"). I don't think that this sentence says
anything, maybe it can be removed?
* Page 9, section 4.2.4.2. Should add something like "The formatter
may be as simple as just copying the host records to the plaintext
records" to the list of things that the formatter may do.
* Page 10, lines 3, 6, 12: "The cryptographic *unit*"
* Page 10, line 23: "In this case, the CU..." What case? Maybe drop the
words "In this case" and start the sentence with "The CU may mix..."
* Page 12, line 16: This NOTE does not belong here. Should be removed.
* The reference to "the decryption allowance" is not clear (items (f)
in 5.2, (d) in 5.3, (i) in 5.4). Should be re-worded as something like
this:
f) The allowance for returning plaintext to the host before validating
the MAC as described in 4.4.2
* The NOTEs at the end of 5.2, 5.3 (page 14 lines 7-8, 22-23): Add "as
described in 4.4.2".
* Page 15, line 2: the word "provide" is used twice in that sentence
in two different forms, which is a bit confusing ("provided that ...
provides..."). Maybe replace "provided that" by "as long as" or some
such thing. The same comment also for Page 17 line 10.
* Page 15, line 4: "shall compute HMAC" (drop the word "the").
* The signal FAIL should be italicized everywhere (cf. Page 15 line 11,
Page 17 line 6, Page 20 line 39).
* Page 16, line 5: IEEE P1619 should be IEEE 1619 (I think). Same
comment for line 11 and also for Page 29 line 2.
* Page 18 line 30-31: "self-contained group, *as specified in 6.6*".
* The references inside appendix B should be updated: Page 24 line 16
(C.2=>B.3), Page 27 line 33, Page 28 lines 13,29 (C.6.2=>B.7.1).
* Appendix B still contains the term "user key" that we don't use
anymore (page 24 line 25 and some other places).
-- Shai